To my surprise, I received a message a few days ago from one of my public followers asking me to keep the blog going. Now that our IVF journey and quest for a second child is over, what should be the new focus of my blog writing? I would still like to talk about career/motherhood life-balance (if such a balance really exists), low carb eating, running, and other random thoughts as they occur and the itch to blog occurs from time to time.
I apologize for the radio silence for the past few weeks. Naturally, I have been in a time of reflection and trying to focus on moving forward in 2018, which I am actually feeling really positive about right now.
Let me tell you all a sad story which has really changed my perspective on our circumstances. One of my friends had recently been going through IVF at the same time as me. After her second egg retrieval, she was finally pregnant with her first child and was 12 weeks along and I have been over the moon happy for her. She was my shining light through our IVF process as a success story.
Unfortunately, she miscarried last week. Her uterus gave out (she had prior surgery on her uterus and they did not realize it was this weak and could not hold a baby until now). At the hospital she vaginally delivered her tiny baby- which had all its fingers and toes and was perfect- as well as the placenta. The baby was autopsied after and it was genetically perfect and a baby boy.
She and her husband are absolutely devastated and they are being told the only way they can have a child now is through a surrogate, which has been estimated at $80-$100k. Besides the financial cost of the two rounds of IVF they have already endured, the emotional toll on them is so unimaginable so I can understand why they would want to stop trying/take a major break at this point. It is unfathomable to me what they are going through right now- being so hopeful that they were finally going to get their dream of having a child- her belly was just starting to show a little bit- and the baby was perfect, but now they have lost it and wondering why them? They are good people and would have made great parents, so what did they do to deserve this?
If anything good has come out of what they are going through, it has made me so incredibly grateful that we found out early on in the process that this wasn’t going to work out. Thankfully, the genetic testing gave us the insight that I would have miscarried anyway, so I am so grateful to have found out early on in the process before they put a bad embryo in. And of course so grateful that we already have a healthy child. Damn, shit can always be worse……Please say a prayer for my friend and her husband.
Anyway, back to happier things. 2018 already feels fresh to me and wonderful. I’m getting some trips/travel planned for 2018. I’m running again and planning to run a 10K next week. I’m still trucking along with my low carb diet and loving it. It felt victorious to not put on holiday pounds like I normally do every year. I had a great holiday break spending time with my family and seeing friends in the Keys and Fort Lauderdale.
I’m trying to work on myself too. One of my goals for 2018 is to be more charitable- I’m in the process of giving away all of Alexander’s baby stuff right now and as sad as it is to see his stuff go, it feels good that it won’t be collecting dust and others will use it. I’m also in touch with a non-profit organization this week that has a mission that personally means a lot to me to see how I can help. Hopefully that will work out. I also know it won’t be instantaneous that I forget about my desire for a second child. While I’m feeling positive right now, I do still have my moments of sadness but I am hoping over time it completely passes as I try to distract myself with other things and move forward.
A New Year is a new beginning and a new chance to get it right. We can give ourselves the pass to forgive ourselves for any shortcomings last year, and have hope for a better version of ourselves this year. We of course should not hope for or expect radical/overnight change, but we can get better each day. And let’s not forget, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.