Where’s our baby?

This morning Alexander told me that a boy in his class, Adam, has a new baby sister and she was so cute. He then asked me, “Where’s our baby?” As I choked back tears, all I could tell him was “I’m sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say. I knew that the questions about why he doesn’t have a sibling were only just beginning and will probably only get more complex as he gets older.

Not long after though, he started taking about his cousins Aiden and Brennen and how he wanted to see them. It occurred to me that hopefully we’ll be able to cure his longing for a sibling with all the cousins in his life.

It sucks plain and simple. But I’m trying to look on the bright side of things. A lot of good things in the works. Today I’m off to D.C. for my usual quarterly trip. I just packed a size 2 pear of suit pants. Never have I ever in my life worn a size 2! As superficial as it is, if I can’t get pregnant again, why not be in the best shape ever, right?! #lowcarb4life

Other exciting updates are that I was contacted by an editor at Working Mother magazine last week who found my blog and was inspired about my honest sharing of our journey through IVF and wanted me to share my story with the magazine. The editor had also experienced secondary infertility/failed IVF and was touched by my blog. I was so happy when she reached out as I have high level of respect for Working Mother magazine and I hope to end up sharing my story in there! When I started this blog, I didn’t know if it would reach anyone but obviously it did!

I also found out recently that after much pursuit, I’m going to be an ambassador for the Women to Watch Foundation and help fundraise to provide vaccinations for girls in third world countries against cervical cancer. I’m so excited about this.

Maybe God has chosen to not give me another child because he has other important tasks for me?

4 thoughts on “Where’s our baby?

  1. Hi. I just read your story on Love is ehat matters.
    Thank you so much. I really needed this today. We have had a similar experience. I have my loving 3yr old Tommy and have tried IVF 2 additional times and then 2 FET. We adopted embryos but we made the decision not to go forward and be happy as a one kid family. Thanks for the encouraging words and I it made me know we are making the right decision.
    Much Love
    Deb Nelson


  2. Thank you so much for sharing. We also have a healthy (almost 4 year old) and got pregnant relatively early with a beautiful/healthy baby boy. Fast forward 3 years and 1 miscarriage, 6 failed IUI’s and 3 failed IVF’s we just found out I have a structural chromosome abnormality, that although I am healthy, in conception it could unbalance. Going to see what next steps are, if any, and make our decision.
    For now, I share your sentiment of feeling blessed with one amazing, sweet, smart healthy boy.


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